How long has it been...?
Monday, August 28, 2006
Hmm..suddenly realised that the fonts in my blog seem big. Is it my browser or what? Anyway, how long has it been? This seems like a loooong week. Yeah..I know..it's only been a week since I've decided to send the email. Well, a week has passed and no progress at all. I've only seen him on msn twice..wed and thurs. But I didn't talk to him..I appeared offline the first time though. But I wanted to wait till he replies my email then talk to him on msn. If not, it would be quite weird and I don't think he would ever reply my email if I talked to him on msn now. Moreover, why should I be the one to take initiative to talk to him again? I did that once..do I have to do it again?? It's really tiring to take initiatives all the time and I'm not really a very outgoing or friendly person deep down. I know he isn't too..but still..
After those two times, I told myself probably I should approach him and asked if he received the email the next time he comes online. But well, after thursday I didn't see him online anymore. It's always the wrong timing and missed opportunity for me. From what I observed the previous two times, he only comes online at night (Canada time) and I don't know why. Perhaps he's working..he mentioned something about looking for jobs after returning to pay for school fees. Anyway, I don't know when I will see him online anymore since I always have classes at that time except for wed and fri, that is when I don't have to go to school for projects or talks. Two emails should be more than enough..even though the first email was only a thank-you email.
Perhaps I should give up soon since it seems like it's too long a distance. The time difference is really off..And I know that if someone is really interested in u..that person will try to talk to u no matter what, right? So if he didn't..it says something..doesn't it? So..this is another reason for me to move on. But it's hard to find someone like him here..not that I know him REALLY well..but from what I know about him..he's the kind of guy I'm looking for. At first, absence makes the heart fonder.. but in this case, absence = distance. Distance and time make everything seem surreal and I begin to question myself, is it real? Do I really like him? Why does it feel like the feeling is fading away fast? If so, why am I still thinking about it? Is it really fading or do I want simply want an answer? Perhaps I want to know if there was something between us..if there WAS..yup, it's in past tense..which means missed opportunity, at least I would know the kind of feeling and next time I won't let it pass by so easily.
I can't possibly wait for two months for a reply from him..that's too long! I think he's those kind who checks emails quite regularly..so if I have to wait for two months..that's equivalent to telling myself to stop waiting. Seriously, no reply is worse than negative reply. It's the worst thing one can do. Some of you have probably seen the email I drafted and any person who has received and read it will reply, no matter what, right? So if he has received and read it but doesn't reply, it says a lot about his character and it will piss me off totally. Perhaps that will be easier for me to move on..but I don't want this to shadow his other good points. Aahh..I'm so contradicting.
Looking back, the last few posts have all been about him..this is bad ah. From a stranger who stayed directly below me..to a random guy who suddenly appeared in my dreams..to a guy I started taking notice of..to a guy who took an unforgettable photo with me..to the only guy left in the house with me..to the only guy I bid farewell to on the train..to the guy I can't seem to stop thinking or talking about..to the first guy whom I have such strong feelings about..to the first guy whom I sent a 'test water' email..to a guy whom I will get over soon..hopefully..
But ultimately, this is my thought..and perhaps everything has been my imagination..cos.."Men willingly believe what they wish" - Julius Caesar-cos... "the supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved" - Victor Hugo-
travelled around the world at 8:09 PM