First time in my life~
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
OMG!!! Hahaha, I totally did something which I have never done in my life before!!! I really admire those who can do it face to face! I did it over MSN and I was already hesitating for so long and lacking lots of courage. I even wanted to borrow from Pei..hahaha! Luckily, Pei and Belle were there for me as the rest have gone to sleep. So wth did I do???
I finally told him how I felt cos I just wanted to get it out of the way and let me give up completely so that I can concentrate on other things. I was telling Elaine about it and planning to tell him this morning if I see him online. Well, it turned out I didn't have to wait until this morning. He was actually online last night at around 1+ am, which is quite rare. I was hesitating for more than 1 hour and really felt hum chi. Hahaha! I didn't dare to just send the 'speech'. Yeah, that's right, the 'speech'. I actually wrote out what I want to say cos I want to just drop it on him all at once and don't want to feel disorganised. Ya la, another reason is cos my ang moh isn't that good mah, then people only understand ang moh and German..so I want to be more prepared lor.. -_- It's a very direct message to him and impossible for him NOT to understand. Soooo at around 2.50am, I finally 豁出去 (as what Pei told me to) le and dropped the bomb on him. But no reply from him at all..waited for nearly one hour before I felt really tired. Belle and I were puzzled why he didn't reply so she talked to him. No reply from him either, so he's probably away from his computer? I got tired of waiting and I don't know why I should wait for his reply either. Anyway, that's it. I sent it and no reply. Actually I wanted to see how he reacts to this..but everytime I tried to imagine how he would feel when he read the message, I couldn't help laughing out. I don't know why..hmmm..But the good thing is, I feel relieved right now.. =) I doubt I will get a reply from him anyway..sekali he already blocked me ah..hahaha..think I must have scared the shit out of him. Hahaha!! Time will tell..............
Hey..*ahem*Ok, this is going to be really awkward, but I think I have to say this so that I can get over it totally. You have probably known this all along, I actually liked you towards the end of the exchange. It was quite unexpected, even for myself. But it seems that you aren’t really the person I thought you were, not in a bad way of course. Just that I realized you actually have quite a lot of sides…hard to figure out…perhaps that’s part of your appeal too? I’m not sure. I don’t have any other special meanings by telling you this cos I know your response already. This has been on my mind for a while and I really want to get over it. Perhaps this will make it even more awkward between us…but I hope we can still be friends cos you are quite nice to talk to as a friend… (after 30mins) I hope you are still alive...? (no response at all........)
travelled around the world at 12:02 PM